I'm BACK! & I have something to tell you..

Hello people! I'm back! 

I know, it feels kind of foreign to be writing on here again, but I'm here and that's all what I have to say. I owe you guys an explanation for why I was afraid of approaching blogging, it is the fact that I haven't been reading and I have fell into a slump that I don't know how to possibly get out of. I have stopped reading and have only read like 4 books in total throughout late 2016 and 2017. It sucks because I love reading and writing so much. They bring me a sense of euphoria that nothing else gives me, but I can't seem to extract myself from the shitthole that I've fallen into.

I've been sick for the last couple of days and haven't left my room in a while so that had me thinking.. who am I? I know that this question is easily answered by having a glance at my ID, but no. I haven't lost my mind quite yet. I want to discuss this, but forgive my scattered, unorganized thoughts. 

I have those days when I'm very goal-oriented, I know where my life is going, I know what I have to do to pave the way for that to happen. I never once really knew what my purpose is in life though, I was never sure of what I want to be, I have endless possibilities of who I could be in 10 or 20 years and I can't fathom the idea that I could make one wrong decision that puts me on the wrong path for years and when I finally reroute I'd be 60 years old and my life has wasted away. Don't get me wrong, I'm a firm believer in the fact that everything happens for a reason, but I'm too young right now (I'm 20) and I have no idea what I'm doing. 

Whenever I see people my age doing great things it motivates me to move my butt and do something, but yet again, I feel like my hands are tied for multiple reasons;
1- I still study, therefore I cannot get a steady job 
2- I live with my parents
3- I'm unable to finance myself due to the previously stated two reasons, therefore I lack the sense of independence. 
4- Here in Egypt, people don't fucking take you seriously when you're 20 years old even if you have ideas of gold. 
5- The willingness of people to take risks here is minimal, especially to follow the idea of said 20 year old, they'd be insane.
6- I'm a girl surrounded by sexist pieces of shit.

I instantly slide back into my cocoon of sadness and continue to watch people being successful as my ability to be up there with them is hindered by all stated reasons. I also look at this from another perspective and say well if I was really willing to try, I would've thrown all those 6 points in the nearest garbage possible and proven myself fit. I often think that these are excuses that I created to lessen the guilt factor and my sense of shame. 

Can I have a midlife crisis at 20? I keep telling myself that I need to chill and loosen up a bit, let the wave of life turn and toss me to eventually become who I'm destined to become, but fuck, I can't let this happen and not have a hand in doing so. I mean those who are successful really struggled to be where they are, even if there was a little bit of luck involved, but it was the right timing for luck and hard work to meet. It's quite contradictory of me because I believe that those who work hard enough will not be left unrewarded, but it's hard to think something and act on it.. I don't know. 

Please tell me if you have the same thoughts, I hope I'm not crazy for not knowing my purpose or who on earth am I yet. I'm still figuring this shit out so don't judge my crazy train of thoughts. 

I need your help with something, if you've made it this far, thank you! You're a trooper. Can you do me one more favor and recommend me a good pick me up book? Preferably a short myserty thriller. 

Give me a feedback on this post, as I'm not reading anything atm and I want to get back into writing, do you find sharing my thoughts entertaining or just boring?!! Comment down below :)  

Book Review: Black Ice by Becca Fitzpatrick

Goodreads:

Sometimes danger is hard to see... until it’s too late. 

Britt Pfeiffer has trained to backpack the Teton Range, but she isn't prepared when her ex-boyfriend, who still haunts her every thought, wants to join her. Before Britt can explore her feelings for Calvin, an unexpected blizzard forces her to seek shelter in a remote cabin, accepting the hospitality of its two very handsome occupants—but these men are fugitives, and they take her hostage. 

In exchange for her life, Britt agrees to guide the men off the mountain. As they set off, Britt knows she must stay alive long enough for Calvin to find her. The task is made even more complicated when Britt finds chilling evidence of a series of murders that have taken place there... and in uncovering this, she may become the killer’s next target. 

But nothing is as it seems in the mountains, and everyone is keeping secrets, including Mason, one of her kidnappers. His kindness is confusing Britt. Is he an enemy? Or an ally? 

BLACK ICE is New York Times bestselling author Becca Fitzpatrick’s riveting romantic thriller set against the treacherous backdrop of the mountains of Wyoming. Falling in love should never be this dangerous…

I haven’t read Becca Fitzpatrick’s Hush Hush series, so it was my first time experimenting with her writing style. Although this book is completely different from Hush Hush, I actually really liked it.

Black Ice is a thriller/mystery novel about a girl Britt and her bestfriend Korbie going on a camping trip in the mountains. Korbie’s dad insisted that Korbie’s brother (who also happens to be Britt’s ex- boyfriend), Calvin tags along as a chaperone. As the two girls where driving alone up the mountain, the car stops and a snowstorm hits; so the girls walk for miles till they reach a shelter to stay the night in until the snowstorm comes to an end. When they finally reach one, they were introduced to two hot guys in their early twenties; Shaun and Mason. Britt and Korbie both call shotgun on Shaun and start flirting with him, the next thing they know they both were being taken hostages and they were being used to find an escape off the mountain. Britt was the useful one, who has been training and was familiar with the mountains and had survivor skills, while Korbie was being pathetic and whiny and utterly annoying. As things progress, Britt begins having feelings for Mason, but she was unsure of it since he’s the guy who held her captive and she was doubting her emotions all the time claiming that she maybe is suffering from Stockholm Syndrome. 

One thing that I really did admire in Black Ice was the incredible progression of the situations, it was very fast-paced and it kept me on edge the whole time; I finished the book in one sitting! Although, I didn’t feel like the writing style was my favorite and I disliked all of the characters, I was actually a huge fan of Becca Fitzpatrick’s development of Britt’s character in the end and her ability in writing a thrilling and an exciting novel.

I honestly did feel like the book was being boring towards the middle, I had the urge to stop reading several times, but I didn’t  let that get to me. I can say that I skipped - well actually not skipped, but skimmed over- some parts that I found really irrelevant.  As I said before, I disliked the characters, I felt like Korbie was a waste of characters (and oxygen), I felt like the girls were so immature at times that you wanted to smack them.

This book gave me serious trust issues, I did like that I couldn’t trust ANYONE at first and towards the end, it really confused me but I pieced the puzzle and I figured out the murderer before it was mentioned. The murder aspect and the setting were the reasons I liked this book and gave it a not so low rating.

SPOILERS. 

Highlight to view:

I don’t know why the hell Britt is still friends with Korbie, she is extremely mean to her and always trying to be better than her. When Britt found out that list, it should have been an indication that this friendship is a fail anyways, she should have confronted Korbie right away; but then again, Britt doesn’t always make the smartest decisions.

 I hated Calvin so much, since the very beginning, Korbie and Calvin are more like each other, they were both willing to cheat, the fact that Korbie was like “yeah but Bear isn’t here” made me so angry at her! Cheating runs in the family I believe.

Britt also annoyed me. She is the fictional character of 13 year old me, she humiliated herself and was dumb enough to create a love story with Calvin and convinced herself that he loved her as much as she loved him when in fact, he was an a-hole who didn’t deserve her. The fact that she was 17 and she still didn’t realize that she needed a reality check is annoying! She was incredibly immature and it reminded me of how I was years ago. Calvin was a carbon copy of my ex-boyfriend, except for the fact that my ex wasn’t a murderer and wasn’t a cheater; but he actually was a douche and treated me terribly. Yet again, I was 13!!! I knew nothing, I was a kid, I can’t fathom the idea of Britt being so infatuated with a complete air-head who used her multiple times and CHEATED ON HER, he didn’t want to declare her as his girlfriend which surprisingly enough, she didn’t disagree to! Oh Britt.

I really liked the mystery factor, I was so confused and couldn’t trust anyone , I thought that Shaun was creepy at first and his hospitability was an act, but I was mad at Britt and Korbie for not getting the clear picture and fighting over a guy WHO THEY JUST MET and could be a murderer (which he was).  I hated that the girl drama blinded them to a point where they couldn’t realize where the real danger is, it was right there.

To add to the list of characters I didn’t like, KORBIE’S DAD. Who kills a dog for barking? He was vicious and again it imprinted on Calvin. I couldn’t blame the guy.. he had a psycho parent and I didn’t expect that he would turn out perfectly fine, he had to be somehow unstable.

Overall, I really liked this book. I gave it 3.5 stars

If you have read Black Ice tell me in the comments down below what your thoughts were!

Have a great day everyone :)x

-Jay  

Book Review: Maybe Someday by Colleen Hoover

 Goodreads:

At twenty-two years old, aspiring musician Sydney Blake has a great life: She’s in college, working a steady job, in love with her wonderful boyfriend, Hunter, and rooming with her good friend, Tori. But everything changes when she discovers Hunter cheating on her with Tori—and she is left trying to decide what to do next.

Sydney becomes captivated by her mysterious neighbor, Ridge Lawson. She can’t take her eyes off him or stop listening to the daily guitar playing he does out on his balcony. She can feel the harmony and vibrations in his music. And there’s something about Sydney that Ridge can’t ignore, either: He seems to have finally found his muse. When their inevitable encounter happens, they soon find themselves needing each other in more ways than one…


From #1 New York Times bestselling author Colleen Hoover, a passionate tale of friendship, betrayal, and romance—and the enchanting music that inspires one young woman to put her life back together.

Includes a free original soundtrack by musician Griffin Peterson.

Hello bookworms, sorry I haven’t been posting, I currently barely have any access to the internet because I’m not home. I hope you understand :) .

Maybe someday by Colleen Hoover is a truly compelling story, I couldn’t put it down. It tells a story that fate is inevitable and you cannot deny the inevitable. Sydney and Ridge met through the love of music, he used to play the guitar on his balcony and opposite to him, she would sit and listen. Sydney had a boyfriend (Hunter) and so did Ridge (Maggie), but with Hunter being a jerk of a boyfriend, she ended up breaking up with him and leaving her slut of a roommate Tori because they were both cheating on her for two years. She found herself homeless and in the mercy of Ridge, her cute neighbor with amazing guitar playing skills. She didn’t realize then that they were both falling in love..

This is a perfect story of forbidden love, trying to avoid something such as fate is definitely impossible. I’ve never read anything by Colleen Hoover before, but I felt her words in my heart; her beautiful combination of words makes you understand the characters and feel for them. The descriptions are accurate, it makes you have a clear image of them in your head even more than any author does. The two characters’ point of views were corresponding , the similar POVs (since it’s the same author) was perfect, but I guess she intentionally made them more compatible by creating similar POVs. Ridge completed Sydney’s words most of the time and they both had similar mindsets which made them even more perfect for each other.

I recommend this book to EVERYONE! It’s truly an amazing love story. So cute and will make your heart swell besides, it definitely made me cry.

Have you read Maybe Someday? Comment below your thoughts and continue reading this post for a discussion of the book aka SPOILERS.

-J

SPOILERS START HERE. Continue ONLY if you've read the book. Highlight the paragraph below to read spoilers.

Okay everything about this book was perfect, the way they both feel about music, the fact that they appreciated music and felt it, even though Ridge was DEAF. They both realized the severe attraction they felt for each other and tried to deny it and fight every urge they had not to surrender to themselves and to their feelings. They had to remind themselves of the routine.. Ridge kept reminding himself of Maggie, that he loved her because his heart cannot belong to two. They tried to find flaws to repel them from each other, but failed.

 The feelings development in this book is super cute; you could tell that the love story will be a great one from the very beginning. Ridge and Sydney cannot help but fall in love with one another, their chemistry is great and the intimacy they feel is natural. They were meant for each other.
They felt the pain of desire, wanting someone but even the thought of being with them is wrong. They both tried their very bests not to turn into another Tori and Hunter, they didn’twant to do that to Maggie too because she was sweet and no one deserves that.

 The way both of them described their kiss as relief was beyond me, this is another technique Colleen used to emphasis on them being soul mates. Their trail of thoughts followed one another and they think alike throughout the book.

The difficulty of keeping yourself focused and not straying away with your thoughts and feelings towards someone is shown in both Ridge and Sydney, they are good people and they feel guilty by even thinking about each other inappropriately, thinking and NOT even acting on the thoughts.
When I knew that Maggie was sick, everything in me collapsed, in Sydney too. We now know what Ridge is going through and how much of a terrible person he would be if he left her for Sydney. The realization hit me instantly-even before it hit Maggie-, Ridge was hanging on due to her disease, he loved her disease and loved being her hero and he didn’t love HER. Life wasn’t fair to both of them. Love isn’t fair.

I loved Maggie’s character, she was a strong independent woman and she loved Ridge too much that she wanted him to be happy. Her reaction to their betrayal just proves how big her heart is. If I was in her place and saw Sydney after kissing my boyfriend, I would’ve punched her right in the face, but Maggie collected her anger and went. She was the bigger, more mature person. Maggie actually gave up Ridge because she knew deep inside that he loved Sydney as much as he loved her.
As much as I knew what Ridge and Sydney were doing was wrong but I couldn’t help but support it, their love is real and genuine and once you find something as amazing as that, you simply can’t let it go.

Ridge is a great guy, he made me believe that good guys really do exist, he kept his faithfulness towards Maggie even though he was torn and tortured, his heart broke into two and so did he. He also gave Sydney up for Maggie, he did the right thing even though everything inside him told him not to let her go.

I can shamelessly say I cried when he was letting Sydney go, he SPOKE for the very first time in 15 years so he could properly say goodbye.. this is incredible and if that’s not true love, I don’t know what is. Syd loved his voice, she loved him and she compensated his father’s love with her own.. She loved his voice and I loved the way she described his voice, even though his dad hated it and hated him for speaking. It was enough for him, she made him happy and so did he. She learned how to sign so she would communicate with him and he worked on his talking so he would be better at it.
In the end, I was taught that sometimes the moment of epiphany comes late. As late as five years.. it’s okay to realize you don’t love someone even after being with them for 5 complete years. It’s okay to wait for love and you should accept that things change, even if you don’t plan for them to. Love always finds its way of reuniting those who should be reunited even with something as simple as music.

Book Review: Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell

Goodreads:

Cath is a Simon Snow fan.

Okay, the whole world is a Simon Snow fan...

But for Cath, being a fan is her life—and she’s really good at it. She and her twin sister, Wren, ensconced themselves in the Simon Snow series when they were just kids; it’s what got them through their mother leaving.

Reading. Rereading. Hanging out in Simon Snow forums, writing Simon Snow fan fiction, dressing up like the characters for every movie premiere.

Cath’s sister has mostly grown away from fandom, but Cath can’t let go. She doesn’t want to.

Now that they’re going to college, Wren has told Cath she doesn’t want to be roommates. Cath is on her own, completely outside of her comfort zone. She’s got a surly roommate with a charming, always-around boyfriend, a fiction-writing professor who thinks fan fiction is the end of the civilized world, a handsome classmate who only wants to talk about words... And she can’t stop worrying about her dad, who’s loving and fragile and has never really been alone.

For Cath, the question is: Can she do this?

Can she make it without Wren holding her hand? Is she ready to start living her own life? Writing her own stories?

And does she even want to move on if it means leaving Simon Snow behind?

Let’s just start off by saying that I really hated the fanfiction in this book, I skipped all the fanfiction parts and I know that I shouldn’t have, but I did. It really annoyed me more than anything else. I can’t tolerate the idea of fanfiction and it’s totally not my thing. I haven’t read HP yet (I’m ashamed, yes.) and some reviewers mentioned that the fanfiction in the book [Simon and Baz] represents HP in real life, and I tried to read it but I honestly don’t get it. I guess that the fanfiction part can either make or break the book and for me it totally downgraded it to 4 stars instead of 5.

It was a slow-paced book; it took me around 200 pages to really get into it. Dear Levi, thank you for being the main factor that made me fall in love with Fangirl. Another factor was Rainbow Rowell’s writing, it’s so easy and light. 

On a personal note, I related to the characters and the situations, I felt like this is a real story, and not fiction. Wren and Cath remind me of my sister and I, we fight A Lot and she’s out of control most of the times and I’m the one who gets to talk some sense into her. 

This book branches into many things; relationships, friendships and family relationships. Rainbow Rowell  conveys the beauty of loving someone and loving what they love and trying to better yourself for them. I loved it so much and I recommend it to anyone!

Did the fanfiction make or break the book for you? Comment down below your thoughts, I’d love to discuss this with you all and if you HAVE READ the book, continue reading the post for spoilers.

Have a great day guys. x

-J 

SPOILERS START HERE. Continue ONLY if you've read the book. Highlight the paragraph below to read spoilers.

Cath’s character developed from the start of the novel till the end, she was the shy one, the antisocial, the one who had a guy-friend boyfriend and also the one who never liked partying. With Levi, she stepped out of her comfort zone; she went to a party for his sake. She liked him and he changed her, he made her a more courageous character and their love story blossomed into something beautiful... with their love for fanfiction, something he never thought he’d like.  

I loved that Levi always smiled “like it cost him nothing”, I’m an always smiling person and it annoys people sometimes, but I’d rather be happy and spread positivity than become a grumpy source of negativity. It made me smile just by thinking of Levi’s smile.

I disliked Wren throughout the book, I thought she was a total bitch.  I understand that she’s trying to be someone different and experiment with new things, but her past and not what she is right now is what she’ll always be. That is proof that one can’t change even if they wanted to. Rainbow Rowell juxtaposes Cath and Wren, fraternal twins but completely opposite mentalities.  I loved that in the end, they both came to terms that they’ll never act like frenemies again. I loved that Wren still read Carry On and kept that part of her intact and untouched even when she thought she was changing.

I loved loved loved Cath and Levi.  Their relationship just clicks, they remind me of a lock and a key. They both were made for each other, he accepts her and loves her even though people think she’s weird.. He saw the beauty in her weirdness.

Another thing I’ve loved is when the book started with Cath sitting in her dorm room and said “there’s a guy in my room.”  which was Levi.. Later on in the book, Cath also said “there’s a guy in my room”. When she and Levi were a couple. I LOVED THAT DETAIL, it made me nostalgic and it linked everything together beautifully. 

THOUGHTS: Delirium Pilot (The TV Show)

Hello bookworms, I'm sorry I haven't posted in so long, I'm having a reading slump lately.. I don't know why. It's annoying and I hate it. I've been taking baby steps with my reading since I've read 9 books last month, which is crazy to even think about. I've been watching some TV shows lately and I've discovered something horrendous. A DELIRIUM TV SHOW.

At first I was extremely excited and I had extremely high expectations of it, I've only found the pilot so I thought I'd give it a try. You know that Delirium is actually my favorite trilogy of all time, so I thought that the show would be as amazing.. I've also heard that the TV show has been cancelled.

I KNOW WHY. It sucked, they literally crammed up the whole delirium book in one episode and they introduced us to Julian and I've only seen 3 or 4 Alex and Lena scenes. COME ON, I want to see more of their romance (it's the reason why Delirium is my favorite book out of the 3). I hated it so much omg, such a disappointment.

I saw NOTHING of Lena and Hana's friendship. Only at the begining of the episode when they were running, the party and when they fought over Alex. Seriously?

Apart from the terrible showcasing of the book, THE CHARACTERS?! They absolutely ruined the characters.

Julian, Lena and Alex

That's Hana, yes, sorry guys

Alex is fine (Daren Kagskoff) .. Julian (Gregg Sulkin) is okay. LENA AS EMMA ROBERTS? No.
Hana as whatever her name is? NOOOOO. Hana is a blonde for God's sake.

I give Delirium the TV show half a star for how hot Alex was, only. (Daren Kagskoff)

Have you guys seen Delirium? What was your opinion on it? And who do you think should play the characters? :) I'd love to discuss this with you.

Much love,
-J